1 Feb
Future spiritual Nemesis of feminism and class bad boy, circa 1972

Future spiritual Nemesis of feminism and class bad boy, circa 1972

With apologies for the one day delay due to workload and a somewhat unpleasant cold, I now unveil my 31 January 2014 submission for the delightful Barbara Fraken’s AWAKENING series at her blog Me, My Magnificent Self.

Barbara is a decidedly spiritual person in what I would describe as a New Age way sort of way, and her enthusiasm for spirituality is infectious. Her series deals with awakenings, or decisive points within a person’s life when they achieve quantum advances in spirituality. Her guideline to structure submissions is:

*Remembering My Childhood… and ‘if applicable’ Shutting down the contact with my soul to fully experience my humanness…

*First Stage of Awakening… My Call to Attention…

*Second Stage of Awakening… Dismantling my Life…

*Third Stage of Awakening… Glimpses of Clarity and Releasing Human Desperation

*Fourth Stage of Awakening… Quiet Time and Potentialising…

So here goes:

The journey to a spiritual existence is, I suppose, different for different people. Who can say if any two journeys are exactly the same? What follows is my journey, as best I can understand it, and placed against the framework that Barbara has kindly suggested:

Remembering My Childhood

We were a military family, and so we moved rather frequently. I have generally fond memories of my family. I remain close to my two younger sisters, and I also enjoy wonderful relationships with both my parents, who are now in their early 70s. Ours was a moderate Catholic family that focussed on love, forgiveness, charity, and generally behaving in a good way. No fire-and-brimstone. It was an excellent start in life towards a spiritual existence, with my father being more orthodox in his interpretation, and my mother being more intuitive. Due to the frequent moves, I was always the new kid and was often bullied and occasionally beaten on. Thus, I had plenty of learning experiences in terms of forgiving, although I was decidedly imperfect in this.

But I did try.

First Stage of Awakening

I suppose this could be said to have started when I was in high school, when I began to think more actively about being a good person in the moderate Catholic context. I was to later learn, thanks to an insightful question from blogger Kim Saeed, that I am likely INTJ on the Briggs-Myers personality type inventory. Basically, everything in my world has to logically fit together. Even spirituality. My brain is constantly trying to knit things together to find patterns amongst even disparate things. The pursuit of wisdom at this early age seemed to me to be a very logical and noble quest, as with wisdom one could discern between right and wrong in God’s eyes, and thus with some confidence one could lead a decent life.

I thus carried on in the tradition of my father, being a moderate Catholic, getting married, and having three children. Well, at least contributing to having three children, to give credit where credit is due. };-)> Tai Chi was a part of this in the earlier years, and it is something that I enjoyed and would like to have the time and resources to be able to pursue once again.

Second Stage of Awakening

Given my INTJ nature, in the mind-body-soul triumvirate, my mind is, perhaps, senior amongst equals, or tends to be. The dismantling of my life began intellectually with a book by the late Professor Charles Hapgood titled Maps of the Ancient Sea Kings. Succinctly, Hapgood’s analysis of maps that stretch as far back as the Library of Alexandria showed or implied geographical, mathematical, and clock technology knowledge that history records us not having achieved (together) until the late 1700s. Mind blowing! This, in turn, opened my eyes to the field of alternative research – history, archaeology, science, engineering. Together, this implies that there perhaps was, in high antiquity, a unification of all branches of knowledge that continues to elude us today. Maybe the biblical story of the great flood isn’t so crazy, after all.

Boring to some, mind-blowing to INTJs

Boring to some, mind-blowing to INTJs

Third & Fourth Stages

I am not certain where I am in terms of the third and fourth stages. I had a terrible divorce starting in 2008. My ex-wife, it turned out, has expert-confirmed narcissistic personality traits. The utter opposite of genuine spirituality. She severely alienated our three children from me during this, and every feminist within 100 miles seemed to line up to assist her – social workers, lawyers, politicians, and judges. I still haven’t seen my daughter in over five years due to this, although with a prolonged fight, I was able to salvage relationships with my two sons.

Learning to forgive and let go of the anger has been a challenge, but I’ve made progress. If there was a purpose to it all, it was that my mind could see the underlying pattern in everything the kids and I went through, and then tie it into the broader world that surrounds us. I’ve had some magnificent insights into people, narcissism, and society, and I am capturing these in a two book set, the first of which will hopefully be out next month (i.e., end February or early March): The Mirror, Book One – Welcome to the Evil Sisterhood. I’ve never written a book before, so this itself is exciting, especially as I’ve had highly encouraging test reader feedback.

The books are an emotional, intellectual, and spiritual catharsis. Through these, I hope to be able to move onto to the fourth stage of awakening and learn to live a truly spiritual life. I invite people to visit me at or to email me at if they are interested in having a read of the book (free, of course!).

Thanks Barbara.



55 Responses to “Awakening”

  1. KG February 1, 2014 at 12:40 pm #

    Very well written and its been a pleasure to know you Nav..

    • navigator1965 February 1, 2014 at 1:09 pm #

      Thank you, KG. It is a mutual pleasure, I assure you.

      Off topic, I may have the next Yogateria Chronicles instalment out either this evening or tomorrow.

      • KG February 1, 2014 at 1:12 pm #

        Cool 🙂 (the one with the dragon tatoo huh!!!!)

  2. Dave February 1, 2014 at 2:04 pm #

    Such a painful journey yours has been recently. I’m amazed at the level of objectivity maintained in the face of these difficulties. I’ll be getting back to you about the book.

    • navigator1965 February 1, 2014 at 2:57 pm #

      Thanks, Dave. Perhaps it’s the 30 years of military service that breeds the necessary self discipline. I knew the system was biased, and that if I got upset or acted in any way less than honourably that it would have been held against me.

      No worries about the book. If/when you’re interested and have the time.


  3. Aussa Lorens February 1, 2014 at 2:06 pm #

    A different side of you here… very interesting to read and an interesting approach to understand where we are on that journey… I’d be curious to sit down and try to do the same, actually.

    • navigator1965 February 1, 2014 at 3:25 pm #

      Thank you, Madam Aussa. It was an interesting exercise to reflect upon my life in the way that Barbara structured things. I am actually planning (conceptually) for a 3rd book that may delve into this topic a bit.

  4. barbarafranken February 1, 2014 at 3:27 pm #

    Thank you so much for sharing with us all your precious journey of discovering your most genuine self… The book ‘maps of the ancient sea kings’ sounds quite deep and intriguing and am not surprised it stirred up your curiosity to explore more… It is wonderful that you have come out of your marriage with forgiveness and knowledge of letting go… which we all know happens gradually and not overnight.. and to have written about all this experience, not only as a way to close this chapter in your life but to undoubtedly inspire and help others… A must read… IAM sure you are going to have a lot of success with your books and a well deserved peaceful and enjoyable life… Many thanks, Barbara

    • navigator1965 February 1, 2014 at 3:40 pm #

      Thank you for those kind words, Barbara. I found participating in your Awakenings project to have been a wonderfully introspective experience, and I am honoured that you chose me to participate.


  5. Jami February 1, 2014 at 3:37 pm #

    A nice little window into your spiritual journey. While I don’t think I have that personality type (although I may), I am checking that book out…looks interesting! I hope you recover from your cold soon – sending healing wishes.

    • navigator1965 February 1, 2014 at 3:53 pm #

      Feeling a little better already!

      I can recommend several books, depending upon your area of interest. I understood some of the technical aspects of cartography and astro navigation due to my background. Always available via email on this or any other topic.


  6. suzjones February 1, 2014 at 4:04 pm #

    Very insightful writing my friend. Was wondering if your continued spiritual growth includes the yogateria? 😉

    • navigator1965 February 1, 2014 at 4:18 pm #

      There may be another yogateria chronicles post very soon to answer that, Sue.

  7. Susan Lattwein February 1, 2014 at 7:21 pm #

    I liked your last comment about the catharsis of writing. It forces you to clarify and justify things. I’m surprised you didn’t mention the bit about being a woodsnake?

    • navigator1965 February 1, 2014 at 7:36 pm #

      Hi Susan,

      I can’t spill all my secrets! };-)>

      Actually, I’m afraid it was a bit of a rushed job of writing. I still haven’t figured out how to manage my daily WordPress email deluge effectively, and was out of twin on duty for three days this week. I had to hurry to get this done for Barbara and didn’t have the time I would have liked to have thought about it some more.

      Snake–Libra might have been a fun addition.

  8. idiotwriter February 1, 2014 at 7:52 pm #

    I cant read this now – my eyes are closing – and I got stuck on the picture of that wee lad…
    It is almost as if knowing what happened to that little guy is enough for me to know a whole lot already about the journey you have had – (that and a few other unimportant things that have occurred over the months)
    But I shall return in due course –
    Until then
    I bid you adieu brave knight.

    • navigator1965 February 1, 2014 at 9:14 pm #

      Thank you, oh lovely Belinda. However, that wee lad is me some 42 years ago. Do not fear. ‘Tis not “Leo.”

      Sweet dreams, fair Princess. <3.

      • idiotwriter February 2, 2014 at 4:50 am #

        I did know – I know it is you – I can SEE it is you.

  9. Jenna Rambles February 1, 2014 at 10:08 pm #

    Omg Nav! So touching! Amazing.<3

    • navigator1965 February 1, 2014 at 10:37 pm #

      ❤ back at you, JR. You're a great gal, and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

  10. analyticalperspective February 1, 2014 at 11:04 pm #

    I understand parental alienation. I wrote a paper on it in grad school. I am so, so sorry that happened to you, because I know it tortured me and like you-through rational thinking-I have been able to forgive. My ex and his wife still use my children like weapons when they want to control me and using my kids is the one and only thing that makes me angry. Here is my correlation and subsequent paper if you are interested:

    • navigator1965 February 1, 2014 at 11:29 pm #


      Serendipity again. I’ll be sure to read the paper tomorrow—thanks for both your kind comment and the link.

      So glad to have made your acquaintance. I know exactly how you feel.

      • analyticalperspective February 1, 2014 at 11:37 pm #

        I’m glad to know you, too. I think our community needs a convention. We need the INTJ’s to structure a plan and the ENFJ’s to execute the plan.

        • navigator1965 February 1, 2014 at 11:50 pm #

          I’m the gamma wolf. The book is part of the plan, as you will see. Especially the sequel. The ENFJs will have no lack of guidance.

        • analyticalperspective February 1, 2014 at 11:55 pm #

          Very cool 😄

  11. analyticalperspective February 1, 2014 at 11:04 pm #

    By the way, I am INFJ. You are my cousin!

    • navigator1965 February 1, 2014 at 11:37 pm #

      You understand! I self tested as strong I, moderate N, and slightly T and J.

      Beware: I am a “Mastermind.” (Who can’t assemble Ikea furniture without cursing.)

      • analyticalperspective February 1, 2014 at 11:38 pm #


  12. lensgirl53 February 2, 2014 at 1:09 am #

    Well, first of all…the cute towheaded little guy must be you, right? Reminds me of Brandon and he was picked on, too. Very interesting read of a very interesting person. It is a sad story about your marriage and ex…and of course, your daughters. Perhaps, in time your daughters will become wiser and not so manipulated.Hugs….dale

    • navigator1965 February 2, 2014 at 1:21 am #

      Thanks Dale. Yes, that’s a young me. Just old enough to catch a football for the first time. The mother-son relationship is a special one.

      We’ve both experienced sorrow, it would seem. I hope we can both get to a better place and find peace within. The book and blogging have helped me significantly.

      Love, and lots of it,


  13. simplyilka February 2, 2014 at 3:20 am #

    Excellent! Thanks for sharing! Forgiving is not easy. So wonderful you are doing it 🙂
    I hope your book will bring some positive changes to the situation with your daughter.

    • navigator1965 February 2, 2014 at 8:06 am #

      Hello, Ilka. Thanks for dropping by and the kind comment.

      Yes, one of my hopes is that the book will act as a catalyst for my daughter to understand what actually happened research by Dr. Amy Baker showed that the average time to reunification for a severely alienated person was 20 years, and that it was a process of gradual awareness.

      I’d like to have not to wait the remaining 15 years.

      • simplyilka February 2, 2014 at 12:29 pm #

        Imagine you will tell your daughter one day that you wrote a book just to get back in touch with her. This is quite powerful!

        • navigator1965 February 2, 2014 at 12:48 pm #

          Actually, the thought has crossed my mind on more than one occasion. Her rejection of me and my side of the family (the “spread” of alienation, a known aspect to it) is absolute, so I have to figure out how to get the book to her and get her to read it without her rejecting it too.

          I’ll figure it out. Thanks for the kind thought, Ilka. Much appreciated. Yes, even if she initially rejected the book, the very fact that I had wrote it would be a powerful statement. And it would always be there for here to read one day.

        • navigator1965 February 2, 2014 at 12:50 pm #

          Have I mentioned that I’d be happy for you to read the book pre-release? Only if you’re interested and have free time. . Test readers are giving it a big thumbs up, and I’d be interested to hear was a scientist thinks of my logical analysis of narcissism, especially as to how it manifests in women (e.g., theoretically explains Munchausen by proxy).

          No worries if you’re not interested or too busy. Cheers.

      • simplyilka February 3, 2014 at 6:45 am #

        I would love to read it. I sent you an email.

  14. Dalo 2013 February 2, 2014 at 2:20 pm #

    There is so much of art I love, but until I can ‘clarify and justify’ why I feel like I do, the feeling isn’t quite complete for me. Reading your work, I see you do this so well. Not always the rosiest and happiest feelings, but true & honest feelings nonetheless.

    • navigator1965 February 2, 2014 at 2:36 pm #

      Thanks so much for your insightful comment, Dalo. Yes, my need to understand why certain things appeal to me, including art, also is subject to my analytical nature. Being able to properly express this is a way for me to ensure that I have thought it through and understand the how and the why. It helps bring unity to thought and emotion, if that makes any sense.

      • Dalo 2013 February 2, 2014 at 2:44 pm #

        Makes perfect sense, I like the way you expressed this idea… Thoughts and emotions can be on separate tracks at time, and bringing them together at some point gives us better appreciation.

        • navigator1965 February 2, 2014 at 2:45 pm #

          I think that’s so. In fact, I feel at times as if I need to do such thinking to be certain I understand what the emotions really are.

  15. Dotta Raphels February 2, 2014 at 9:20 pm #

    Hi Nav 🙂
    It’s nice to finally take a peek at what it is that forged this able navigator,lol.

    It’s always comforting, and a plus, to come from a home with balance. Growing up in love and around love definitely helped prepare you for the painful but triumphant journey you were tossed on. I now better understand the reason and method to your madness(calmness) lol.
    On your daughter, as I once told you, that reunion is going to happen! What did you call it now? gradual awareness.

    • navigator1965 February 2, 2014 at 9:31 pm #

      Hi Dotta,

      Thanks for those nice words of encouragement. Yes, a happy childhood goes a long, long way towards making a happy and well adjusted adult.

      Appreciate the sentiments about “Hillary” too. Yes, it is supposed to be a gradual process of dawning awareness. Hopefully the book might act as a catalyst for her to overcome her mother’s programming of her.

      Not quitting, ever.

  16. Holistic Wayfarer February 3, 2014 at 6:11 pm #

    It’s really cool when we can see our parents as people through adult paradigms, not just Mom and Dad.

    “If there was a purpose to it all, it was that my mind could see the underlying pattern in everything the kids and I went through, and then tie it into the broader world that surrounds us.”

    VICTORY. =) Savor thy cup.
    Many fail to do this, when so many of the challenges we run up against explain the story on the difficulties we have faced in other areas of our life. I’m thrilled you’ve been able to redeem all the pain through the wisdom of your books.

    • navigator1965 February 3, 2014 at 8:06 pm #

      Your presence here always a gift, Madam Wayfarer, and I thank you for your considered words.

      Unless, I am mistaken, the books will be a catharsis and more. The “more” may more significant in terms of positive social change than most people realize.

  17. yakinamac February 3, 2014 at 9:42 pm #

    Thanks for the opportunity to find out a little bit more about you – and loving the cute photo! I’m overlooking the comment about feminists… 😉

    • navigator1965 February 3, 2014 at 10:50 pm #

      And thank you for your kind visit and comment. You are far too nice a person to be a real ideological feminist. };-)>

  18. shamanictracker February 4, 2014 at 4:35 am #

    I loved that pic! I think that our spirituality truly shows in tough life situations and fogiveness really is a true test. You seem like you passed 🙂
    Hope you are proud of yourself. Enjoyed your post xox

    • navigator1965 February 4, 2014 at 9:07 am #

      So kind of you to drop by and comment, st. I won’t say that I got 100% (probably not even 90%), to be honest, but I did pass. Hope to see you around some more.


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